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I am not one to watch televised sports. I like sports ok, I just can’t sit and watch them on television. If I’m going to watch a sport, I want to have each and every one of my senses assaulted during each and every minute of the game. I want my ears to ring from the noise level. I want my stomach churning from the combination of arena hot dogs with sauerkraut and onions, beer and too much cotton candy. I want my eyes to twitch from trying to follow the game, the big ass tv and the antics of the crowd all around me at once. I want my nose to sting from the bitter smell of peanuts, beer and the vomit on the floor at the feet of the 20-somethings two rows down. I want my hips to scream from the pressure of the stadium seats that press against them while the seat bottom presses behind my knees and slowly cuts off the circulation intended for my feet (really, folks would it be too hard to make bigger seats? If I was built like an athlete, I’d be out on the field with the athletes instead of sitting on my ass trying to balance beer and hotdogs on my belly!).

There is one sport, though that I even love on television. That sport is hockey. Now, I’m not going to try and pass myself off as the ultimate authority on hockey. I have a very rudimentary knowledge of the game, at best. The teams go back & forth across the ice trying to get the puck in their opponents net—got it! My fascination with the game is not so much about the beauty of the game as it is a much more Middle School-type of interest. The fact is: if there is going to be a fight, I’ll show up to watch. And, I just can’t get enough laughs out of some of the sentences that the word “puck” comes up in. Who can get enough of hearing the commentators tell us that the team needs to “get the puck out of the zone”, or “get the puck away from the goalie”? And my personal favorite is when a puck becomes airborne. Who doesn’t want to hear an old guy in a suit talk about “a flying puck”? Oh, the fun we have on hockey night.

Oh, and by the way, Go Avs!! And for those who aren’t Avs fans…take a flying puck!